Awkward Ex.

Oh fuck. I've turned into the exact monster I've been trying to avoid. The awfully annoying and equally awkward ex girlfriend.

Me and my guy of almost 4 years broke up august/september-ish (it gets kind of blurry... He broke up with me in his mind waaaaay before actually telling me (asshole))... Anyway... I'm not gonna lie. It's been rough. I've experienced a plethora of emotions. Happy. Sad. Angry. Love. Hate. Bitter. Passive... And in 0-10 seconds, sometimes ALL. It's actually pretty pitiful.

If you know me, you know I'm hardcore, I'm bad ass, and most of the time I'm a pretty jubilant, mellow, jovial and cordial character.

So back to the story... most recently, Ive expressed to him how he's not worthy or capable of being my friend after this whole situation... But he insisted that he could be the "friend" that I need him to be... Soooo me being the indecisive fool that I am, I said "okay... Fine"....

So trying not to make this "friendship" awkward... I decide to do normal friend stuff - like comment on his facebook status which reads:
"life is good, life is great ILHSMASLMT"
now being the awesome code-breaker I am, I decided that it meant "I love her so much and she loves me too". So I commented "I'm glad you're happy (mild sarcasm) life IS great!"... A very drama-free message? Right? No. WRONG apparently!!!
Minutes later it was deleted and he sent a message to my inbox saying "ask what it means before you assume"

I don't know what he thought I thought the "code" meant... But I guess he knows me so well that he can read my mind (sarcasm again) idk. Anyway... I left this awkward series of messages to follow:

message 1: oh. my bad. didn't think it was that big of a deal... my bad for assuming.

message 2: what does it mean? if you don't mind me asking... =)

message 3: oh and a new one! ILTLWAMH. you've stumped me on that one! hmmm.... or could it be i love ______ with all my heart? how cute. not assuming... just ASKING. =)

message 4: Just teasing. I hope ur not taking me seriously.... I'm sure it means I love the lord or something.... I'm done now. I'll stop bothering. Peace!

(I know... I'm COMPLETELY insane. don't judge me! I've been through a lot.)

I wish I could have deleted the crap, but tramp ass facebook isn't that advanced yet. Oh well.

It's been a day and he still hasn't responded to one.... Surprise. Actually I don't ever expect for him to answer. That's fine too.

Soooo... There goes our awkward friendship in a nutshell. I INSISTED that I couldn't be friends with him... But wah. He couldn't deal. So I gave in like a little pussy. I bet NOW he's over the friend ordeal... I sure am. I'm embarrassed at myself for sending all those stupid messages for him to look at and get all big headed... And tell his friends "whoa... Look at how dick whipped she is bleh-bleh..."! (okay, he totally wouldn't say anything like that... but just sayin')

Oh well... Life goes on. I'm not speaking to him for at least two weeks! I need to get myself together. No checking his facebook profile every 10 minutes to see what secret status codes I can decipher , no more getting worked up when he sends me texts so that I can get angry all over again, explode and spend the following days depressed, crying, not eating or sleeping and no more listening to stupid love songs that remind me of him. I need to be okay again. And I will not let this so-called "friendship" get in the way... Again....

Well that's all. Until the next awkward moment... Toodles!

A.E.